Saturday, August 13, 2016

The Goddess of ......

The following material is an excerpt from the files of a hacked whatsApp account of an individual whom God/Meta-Human wing strongly suspects to be a god. Timestamps have been removed for security reasons.

Ravi: Hey Priya, send me some battery percentage over whatsApp. Well, whatsapp, hike, messenger your wish, but do it asap, my phone is about to die and I’m on a moving train, I'm on a date and she is really hot, I mean cute. Quick, some 30-40% should be good enough.

Priya: Lol, that technology isn’t here yet, future boy. Transferring battery. ROFL.

Ravi: Hey, don’t give me lame excuses. I need some battery juice now. I’m waiting.

Priya: Ok. Done. Sent it.

Ravi: No you didn’t.

Priya: I did send it.

Ravi: But I didn’t get any. You didn’t send.

Priya: You didn’t get it, doesn’t mean I had not sent it.

(And Ravi’s phone got switched off)


(Ravi’s phone got switched on again.)

Ravi: You liar. You really didn’t send me any battery. And I enquired some people, turns out that technology isn’t here yet.

Priya: So how come your phone is up again and you’re chatting.

Ravi: There is a charging point in the coach and thankfully some god/goddess made the guy at the charging point left. So here I’m at the charging point. And Manasa is on a call with her dad. Manasa is my date.

Priya: You’re so stumped. Did the guy at the charging point leave with an expressionless face and with a glassy stare straight ahead?

Ravi: Ye-ee-aa-aah, but how did you know?

Priya: Duffer, who do you think made that imbecile to leave? I did that.

Ravi: Haha, good joke.

Priya: I’m speaking a solemn truth. I did this for you.

Ravi: So, are you like a witch?

Priya: Noooooo, you dumbduck, I’m a goddess. Fudge I shouldn’t say that. Yeah, I’m a witch.

Ravi: Wait, you mean you really are a goddess, right? Tell me the truth, I’m your friend.

Priya: Hmmm! Yeah. But tell this to anyone and you would die instantly.

Ravi: No, I won’t die, in fact, I can't die. Man, this is so cool.

Priya: What the heck, of course, you would die. Are you drunk?

Ravi: No, I’m as sober as I can be. I can’t die because, wait for it, I’m divine too. I’m a god, forsooth. Man, this is so awesome. Are you undercover or do you, like me, prefer to be in your human form most of the times? What goddess are you?

Priya: Sorry Ravi, I can’t answer any further questions. First of all, I’m not sure about you being a god. You seem too jejune to be a god. And even if you’re a god, I still can’t disclose the details you’re asking for. You’re a good friend, but I’m sorry.

Ravi: Oh, I’ll take a leap of faith and tell you my details first. I’m the god of Awesomeness and Cricket. Well, the god of Awesomeness first, Cricket was added to my portfolio later. I’ve finished my probation and have been a tenured god since eons ago. Although I prefer to hang out with mortals most of the world. I never got fully habituated to living as a god. Now your turn.

Priya: Ravi, is your real name *****?

Ravi: Yes, it is, how the heck did you know? I have many names but yeah that is my real name. No one is supposed to know that, not even other gods.

Priya: So I guess you’re a god actually. Well, I know who the god of Awesomeness and Cricket is, just didn't know it was you. You seem to have a rather good following and well-wishers among the gods.

Ravi: Yes, I do, because I’m an awesome god, pun intended. Now tell me, what goddess are you?

Priya: No, Ravi, I’m sorry I can’t tell you. Rules don’t permit that.

Ravi: Come on, Priya. We are gods, rules don’t apply to us. I told you everything about me. Come on.

Priya: I now see why other gods say that you’re a little arrogant. Being a god makes it even more important for us to follow the rules and set an example to mortals.

Ravi: Lemme guess, you’re first a demigod who had very conservative upbringing, growing up in your divine palaces and worship places. I’m a new age god. I like to live on the edge. Although I’m a god I like to live it as if I’m gonna die tomorrow. Otherwise, this immortality becomes too tiresome. I’m like what these mortals call as a rockstar. And here you are, still acting like you’re a tiny little demigod. Grow up Priya. Act like a goddess rather than being coupled up in that protective cocoon.

Priya: I’m not a little demigod. I’m a goddess. Don’t make me mad, you wouldn’t like it. Why do other gods and godlings keep saying such mean things to me, why?

Ravi: You really want to know?

Priya: Yes, I do. Whenever someone says things like that, it irritates me a lot. Why do you guys do it?

Ravi: Priya, calm down. Don’t take it the wrong way. The reason why all of them say such mean things like calling you a tiny-little-demigod is because you still act like one. You act like you’re a friggin intern. And like an unpaid intern that too.

Priya: But the rules.

Ravi: Let the rules go kiss my posterior. But I can help you here, in gaining confidence and to come to terms with the fact that you’re a powerful goddess. Now, You’re at a stage called guberty. It’s a Portmanteau of ‘god’ and ‘Puberty’. Every god goes through this phase. It’s as awkward as Hades, but that's normal, nothing to worry about it. You just need to spend a little time. Lord Ganesh went through this phase and being a son of very conservative elder god and with other gods having a lot of expectations on him even before he took his job it was a real rough phase for him. He wished to make things less ungainly for other gods. So he came up with a startup along with his brother Murugan, that offers orientation courses that help new gods.

Priya: Really? What courses do they have? Did you take that?

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