Monday, August 22, 2016

The Wedding Gift - Part 2

I met Rakesh at the end of the street, it seemed that he said that my dad would be dropping us at the venue. I thought to myself, 'he copied my idea'.

Without realizing we have spent an hour in the gift shop to look for a gift and nothing occurred to us. We have never attended a wedding all by ourselves, and let alone gift, someone. Rakesh was not helping he just kept on agreeing with me for every damn suggestion of mine, saying, "I think that would be nice."

Towards the end I decided the best gift is to buy a pen, we bought the most expensive pen in the shop, the add gel pen, the dream of every kid in the class. 

And at the wedding as we gave her our gifts, she was trying her hard not to laugh, at that time I couldn't understand why. 

After thanking us she asked, "So where is your mother or father? Who came with you," saying this she scanned behind us for my parents. She has seen them so many times. 

"Miss, we are alone. Our parents are not here," said Rakesh. 

"What? I'll talk with your mother tomorrow, Ravi. How could she leave you alone?"

And then and there my bubble of big man feeling got burst. I thought finally one teacher gave us the credit we deserved, we weren't kids anymore. After all, she gave me the compass box, she should know. But I had no time to feel sorry for myself, I had to do some damage repair. So, I said, "No miss, my dad dropped us here, he'd pick us up in an hour." 

"Oh, ok, now you too go and eat food, whatever you like and don't be shy. But be careful okay? Don't go jumping here and there like you guys go during the recess."

Unknowingly she was crushing my feeling of awesomeness minute by minute, word by word. 

Back when I entered home mother was sitting along with two of neighbor aunts, who were happy for the vacation for other times mother never had time for their chitchat. As I entered, my mother was telling them how her little Pandu acted like a big man that day. She told them with pride, "He wanted to buy a gift for her teacher, how thoughtful. He acted really mature, my little boy." 

As soon as my neighbor aunts saw they asked, unable to contain their curiosity, what gift I had given to my teacher, the bride. 

Finally one saving grace, I thought, beaming with pride, "The add gel pen," I announced, and immediately the aunts started laughing as if I told them the biggest joke of the planet. I was almost tempted to tell on their sons, who always used to birch about how strict and devil like their moms were, during the evening games  in the street. 

mother came to my rescue saying, "How thoughtful, a teacher can never really have enough red pens, with all the grading she had to do. 

I should have stopped and let mother talk but somehow I couldn't, she was saying nonsensical things, "But mother, it was a black gel pen, everyone knows that nothing beats the black add gel pen. I wanted to give her the best, so I gave her the black add gel pen." 

At first, my mother gave a dry laugh as if she was embarrassed, but, later she joined the aunts. I think she was trying her best, from the beginning, not to laugh and she couldn't anymore. 

For many years later I felt embarrassed about that day. My mother brings that up in family gatherings now, to point at adult me and say, "who gifts a pen to a bride?" and everyone at the family gathering would laugh. 

A few years later, while I was in my twelfth grade, in a movie theater I saw Geetha miss, along with her husband, and two kids, who I assume are her kids. I was about to go and talk to her but I was reminded of my gift. I constructed a scene in my head, where she was telling her kids, "Here is my favorite student, he gave me a pen as a gift for my wedding,"  and her husband and children would laugh. 

So I abstained from talking to her, but all through the film, I could never enjoy it. I was afraid she might turn back and recognize me, which was silly since it was so dark in there. Thankfully my parents did not notice her, otherwise, they would have initiated the talk. Throughout the movie, I was sitting right behind her, waiting for the movie to end, having had to consciously swallow my saliva, for a part of mind was thinking out all the combinations in which she would spot me, like when I go out during intermission or because her kids randomly, for no reason turn back and start talking with me and thus bringing me to her notice...

Thinking about that incident I now feel silly for not talking with her then. Adult-me feels how it was more silly of me not talking with her when I was in twelfth grade than the action of gifting her a pen. And as I give a real thought now, there is more chance that she would have enjoyed my gift more than some good for nothing scenery someone gifted that she gifted to someone else or was in the attic of her house. I've long since understood the beauty of minimalism and functionality. The best gift is the most useful gift. Or, for a book lover, the best gift is always a book or kindle. 

You can never give a better gift than the gift of Maggi (noodles) to an engineering student. Trust me you might have saved some lives and helped them on some long nights by gifting them those noodle packs. Maybe along with a small electric kettle if you can.

But, after all is said and done, I still think the whole process of gifting is rather a tiresome ritual. To this day neither my fifth-grade classmate sruthi nor my mother know, that I ate 90% of money my mother gave me to buy her a gift and gave her a knick-knack with whatever was left, well, nothing much left though. 

The Wedding Gift

I have no choice but agreeing with Sheldon Cooper of 'the big bang theory' when he said that 'the entire institution of gift giving makes no sense'.

It was almost a decade ago. She was one of my favorite teachers, Geetha miss. I don't exactly remember why I liked her so much, but it might be because she gave small rewards to toppers of every exam. Not the prizes which were given by the school, some small gifts with her own money. Which meant I got regular prizes from her. I can safely say I was one of her favorite students if not the absolute favorite, who am I kidding, of course, I was her absolute favorite student. 

At the end of my fourth grade, she, following her usual custom gave us prizes and that year she gave me a compass box, a box that contained many scales, protractor, a circular and many other assorted stationary items and mathematical instruments, to the topper since from fifth grade onwards students are supposed to bring the compass box. And I was almost jumping with excitement as she handed me over that box in front of the entire class.  I could see everyone burning with envy. I could feel the heat of their jealous stare at 'my'  compass box as I received it. Second and third prizes were some lame ruler set and pencil, pen set, lol right? 

I came back to my place and after letting a few of my friends see it, with utmost care. And towards the end of the class I was trying to fit the compass box in my shirt pocket, almost tearing a part of it in the process, so that it'd be visible as I walk past everyone after the school,  when she, out of nowhere, dropped the bomb, "So, dear students, I won't be coming to school next year." 

"Why, miss?"

"I'm getting married and so I'm moving."

It was almost as bad a news as listening that India lost a cricket match or like knowing that we can't visit grandpa's house immediately during the vacation because they were somewhere else. It was a devastating news. But after the class, Geetha miss called me, My friend who always used to accompany me accompanied me that time too. She invited me to her marriage. 

This was huge. I couldn't believe she invited me since in most the marriages kids were totally ignored. Kids are seen as just entertainment, but nothing else. Whenever I was at a wedding all I got to do was play with the elevator and drink coffee which is usually denied to me at home. Weddings and those ritual proceedings were confusing, with throngs of aunties, with their bright in-your-face sarees always blocking your path. Whenever I asked some doubt all the female folks sitting in a circle, my aunts along with their aunts and cousins just laughed as if I told them a joke and no one ever actually clarified my doubts, and bluntly snubbed us. All they cared about was if I along with other kiddos had eaten, and that we would be not playing on roads. 

So getting invited to a marriage felt like suddenly being awarded a mustache. To me, mustache meant a person of significance. A big man who can't be ignored. I'll be officially received and all my doubts will be clarified with great care since I'm a big man now. And when a big man asks questions people respond, not laugh. I was sweating out of excitement as I stood there when she invited me to her wedding, thinking all this. 

She also invited my friend to her wedding, but I'm almost sure that's because he was standing right there and it'd be rude if she didn't invite him, besides she knew that, that friend of mine is my tag. 

I was making a fuss out of it as they day approached, it was during the summer vacation. And as the day came I saw the dress my mother (mother) selected as I came out from my bath. Like most of the kids' dresses in those days, my wardrobe consisted mostly of knickers and shorts, with only a few pants reserved for special occasions. It was very difficult to get pants that fit us. So most of the times we should get it stitched by a tailor. Being in villagish-suburban towns it was much easier to get shorts and knickers rather than going through the process of buying cloth, soaking it and drying it and going to a tailor, giving him measurements and haunting him till he gave the stitched pants. 

As I came from bath I saw that mother picked for me a short, can you believe it a short. She, it seemed, didn't realize the gravity of the situation and the onus on me to be a big man, attending a wedding all by myself (my tag along friend doesn't count, he's like a banana in a game). I argued with her and made her iron my pants and I was ready to go and asked her ideas for the gift. She laughed and told me, "she wouldn't be expecting a gift from you, Pandu, she will be happy just to see you there." 

"And why is that?"

"Because you're just a little kid."

"No, I'm not. Should I remind you that after this vacation I'll be using a compass box every day? Or did you forget that from fifth grade onwards we are supposed to wear pants to school, no more knickers? mother, I'm not a small kid anymore."

mother laughed again, but replied, "okay big man, what to you want to gift?" 

"I've not decided yet, mother, just give me some money I'll buy on the way."

She gave a little more than what I asked for and I asked her to open the gate for me, as the clamp on it was on the top of it, and I was only half as tall as our huge blue gate. She made a face of incomprehension and asked in a voice that was a couple of notes higher than usual, "What do you mean open the gate? Your dad hasn't come home yet. You think that you could go alone? You're mistaken young man, dad will drop you there and will pick you after an hour." 

My mother herself is a teacher and thus was in her summer vacation along with me. But my dad's office has no such 'summer vacation'. I didn't think through it, about going to the wedding venue. I'm a big man now, I don't want to be embarrassed by taking help of my dad. I had my own bicycle. But if course mother won't let me. To save my grace I lied, "mother, of course, I won't be going alone, I will go to Rakesh's house and his dad will drop us and later pick us up." 

In those days we didn't have a phone yet, thankfully and she had no way of confirming it except my word. 

"You could have asked him to come to our house and pick you up and leave. Your dress will crease if you bicycle. Besides, why do you always hang out with Rakesh? Can't you pick some nicer friends?"

As usual, she has a very valid point, "mother you know Rakesh, he won't get ready without me prodding him like a cowherd. Although he might be a bit slow, he is a nice person." 

She opened the gate, after looking inside squinting to make out what the time was from the clock in the hall, "You should be back within two hours. Understand?" 

Saturday, August 13, 2016

The Goddess of - part 4

Priya: Alright, I’ll say. But for the god of awesomeness, I thought you might have figured it already. Just reflecting upon our conversation till now should give you a conclusive answer.

Ravi: Wait a minute then, lemme think… Are you the goddess of secret?

Priya: Holy trident, the dimwit finally thinks. Goddess of secrets it is.

Ravi: I’m not a dimwit. I just didn't dwell on your words too much. Hey, Miss goddess of secrets. Hey, can I ask you a question?

Priya: Yeah, go ahead.

Ravi: Please don’t get offended. I’m asking it out of curiosity.

Priya: If it’s offensive, I’ll be offended. Haha. Just kidding, go ahead.

Ravi: Isn’t being the goddess of secrets lame, I mean what are your returns? Why don’t you opt for a different portfolio?

Priya: Well, I have to say that I’m slightly offended, but for your info being the goddess of secrets is not as lame as you think. It’s a very powerful post requiring utmost responsibility.

Ravi: Really? What are your powers?

Priya: Ravi, everyone has secrets. People, animals, even the gods have secrets. Whenever and wherever someone tells a secret or does something clandestinely they invoke me. And I’m privy to every single secret. Even major gods have secret fears. Sometimes they secretly fear something might undo them. All these secrets I know, which even they might not know consciously. I know the ancient secrets that are there that are older than any god or time. I know the secret forces that can bring doom to everything we know as it is now. So If I want I can bring doom of anyone.

Ravi: Fudge! I better not fool with you. Hey, sorry if I have ever offended you please don't take it in a wrong way. You’re my best friend.

Priya: Lol. Ravi, that's okay. I’m a very responsible and mature goddess. I don't do things on the spur of the moment. I follow ancient laws. And yeah, you’re a very good friend. Don’t worry.
Ravi: Holy Hitchcock. You know my secret fear as well?

Priya: Yes, I do. Before you are tenured as a god you all used to hang out a lot with your friends. But gradually you guys became so busy that these days you hardly talk. You fear that someday you might become mere acquaintances.

Ravi: Hmmm.

Priya: Don't you worry, that won't happen. Just talk with everyone. And all I plan to do is just tell everyone your embarrassing secrets and have some fun.

Ravi: You mean to say you know all those things I did for Mahi, and all those things I did along with Mahi.

Priya: Yep!

Ravi: Well, I’m not that embarrassed actually. Mahi is a great girl, I’d do all that again for her if I ever need to. And when I’m with her I don’t think twice before doing any embarrassing stuff. I’ll do whatever she likes. Even if it means flouting rules and doing random stuff. I never took a wife in all these eons. But after meeting Mahi for the first time I should be with this girl forever. She is the love of my life. I met her when I was doing an experiment on myself. A fortnight without any magic. No godly stuff. I delegated my work to my office and I wanted to live just as mortal for a week. She met me when I was my weakest when I was the most awkward. She loved me, just me as it is. I miss her Priya.

Priya: Then why the hell did you break up?

Ravi: Trust me, I ask myself that question every single day. I still don't understand why we broke up. One thing led to another and the next thing I know that we broke up. I want her back, but I don't want to invoke all the divine shenanigans to win her back. I’d just be myself. I’d just try to be an awesome boyfriend and win her over.

Priya: Ravi, actually if you don't want to involve any godly charms you can't be awesome, I mean being awesome is your power, so if try to be awesome you’re using your power.

Ravi: Damn it. Okay. I’ll just be a lame guy, as awkward as an adolescent klutz who just fatuously started shaving his almost non-existent beard in the hope of expediting its growth.

Priya: Sorry but, I can’t control anymore. Right now I’m laughing like an idiot.

Ravi: What’s so funny?

Priya: Because I just realized that when it comes to relationships gods are as clueless as mortal guys. You never understood, did you? I’ll tell you this secret. Trust me when I say this, She although is trying to put a bold face and making an attempt to move on she still loves you and secretly wishes that you two are back. All you need to do is just go and talk to her.

But first things first, you need to stop dating these girls who almost look and behave like Mahi. You know those relationships won't last since all you’re doing is trying to find a duplicate of Mahi. That will never work. What is the maximum time such a relationship lasted?

Ravi: One week.

Priya: It actually lasted a week?

Ravi: Well the first time I lacked the courage to say that the relationship won't work. It took me six days to work up the courage to break up with her. Since the problem was with me. She was almost a near perfect duplicate of Mahi, including her food tastes.

Priya: Hmmm! Awkward or otherwise, just go and sit with Mahi and talk to her.

Ravi: I’ll. Thank you, Priya.

Priya: What about Manasa?

Ravi: She is still sleeping. I’ll just end things with her amicably and stay friends with her. Hey, do you have an additional portfolio of ‘Mending relationships’?

Priya: Nah! I’m just helping out a friend here. All the best. Now I have some of your embarrassing secrets to share with my friends. So, talk to you later.

Ravi: Alright, just keep everything we talked now a secret. Top secret. Of course, you'll otherwise you'd, that's your job description.  :)

Analysis: The God and Goddess of these files seem to span multiple mythologies.
Threat level: Zero. Friendly. These gods don't seem to pose any threat.
Remarks: Male God seems to be hopelessly in love and seem to like trains a lot, much like the Sheldon Cooper of The Big Bang Theory.

The Goodess of - part 3

Ravi: Fair enough. Well, here it goes then. Back when I was a kid I had this habit, I’d pick up stones and throw them at a pole. Gradually I got quite fond of the habit. I'd take five small stones and see how many would hit the target. My friends, who at first made fun of me saying I was wasting my time, later unable to contain the curiosity, joined me to check their own accuracy and gradually everyone got so sucked up into it. We loved that game. I was eventually hitting all five of them. It was so nice hearing the large ‘ting’ sound the stone made when it made contact with the pole. As I grew up people made weird faces at me when I did the same, so I stopped doing it when people are nearby. I used to do it only when I'm sure that I'm in a secluded place, like a moor. But it was never the same, in a moor, you don’t have any targets other than trees. And I don't like hitting trees with stones. Later I became a god of awesomeness and everything else happened.

And one day I came in for the presentation, providentially, since I came there just for the coffee. Boardroom in which they discuss the new positions has excellent coffee. I just love it. I came just for the coffee. Anyway, as I sat down they gave us all the manual of the game which contained all the rules etc. There was one way to affect an out, called runout, it involved hitting those three sticks, called wickets, with a ball. And they can do it openly in front of everyone and get cheered for it. Wow. For me that sealed the deal, pushing me into an abyss of nostalgia. And I signed up for it got it as an additional portfolio. I’m very grateful to that chef who makes coffee there because that coffee was the only reason I went there. Now I can’t imagine not being the god of cricket.

Priya: Nice story Mr. god of Cricket. You’re a simple man. Good for you. Anyway, what are your favorite teams?

Ravi: Mr. god of Cricket, wow that feels so good to hear. Well, I like India, South Africa and sometimes Australia.

Priya: Aha! Caught you. That was a trick question, as a god aren’t you supposed to not have any favorite?

Ravi: As I a god I shouldn't favor any team but I can have favorites, it's like in school the way a teacher has a favorite student although he/she would be fair when it comes to grading.

Priya: Fun Fact, teachers are always unfair when it comes to their favorite student.

Ravi: Can we talk about something else?

Priya: Lol. Okay, Mr. Not-so-fair-god of cricket. Just one more question about cricket. How come India or south Africa doesn't win every tournament if they are your favorites.

Ravi: As I told you I give my blessing but I don't favor any teams.

Priya: Come On tell me the truth.

Ravi:. Besides the decision of who wins is an outcome of a council in which many gods participate. I’m the chairgod of the council but I need to take into account views of other gods and godlings. But the real reason is the god of umpiring, a minor god, is mean and is an absolute arse-aperture, my arch enemy. He wishes ill to my favorite teams. And I'm sure he's bribing everyone in the council.

Priya: If that's the case why don't you tackle him, after all, you say he is but a minor god.

Ravi: He is a puny god, but tackling him means that I'm admitting that he is my equal. I want to be seen as a casual, someone who is too top tier to be concerned with all these petty gods and their squabbles. So the issue needs a more cunning approach. Besides, disguised as another mortal, I've been talking to two mortals for an advice on the same.

Priya: And those mortals are?

Ravi: I can't exactly tell you who that is, but he is a tremendous person, a very good captain who turned fortunes of the Indian cricket team and he is known for his heroics in a particular place called the Lords and another mortal is an equally astute man, successor of the aforementioned mortal.

Priya: You're talking to Ganguly and Dhoni?

Ravi: Whoa girl! Usshhh, keep your voice down. Walls have ears. Besides, I never said those names. And if it ever comes up I'll deny.

Priya: What is Manasa doing? You’re a god why do you need a charging point to charge your phone.

Ravi: Priya, when I’m among mortals I try to blend, makes me understand them better. Besides, I wanted some time to think of some pickup lines. I was a little nervous. We are chatting after a long time, it felt so good, so I’ve put Manasa to sleep.

Priya: Why did you take a train in the first place?

Ravi: I love trains. Indian trains in particular. They are so vibrant and spectacular. They always have a story to tell if only one would listen. It offers me absolute serenity and seclusion in the midst of these boisterous crowd. What an irony. This continuous background noise lulls me, calms me and actually helps me coalesce my thoughts. Sit on a side lower seat with the strong wind in your face, sipping a delightful coffee and suddenly you have the solution for the problem you have been pondering over for weeks. I take most of my important decisions during a train journey. Manasa likes trains as well, just like Mahi. So it was perfect for our date.

Priya: I like trains too.

Ravi: Aren’t they awesome. Hey, you misdirected the most important question all this time. What goddess are you? Come one tell it already. This is unfair.

Priya: Why don’t you just leave it. I never broke rules before and I don't want to.

Ravi: So you still are a tiny little demigod then?

Priya: Alright, I’ll say. But for the god of awesomeness I thought you might have figured it already. Just reflecting upon our conversation till now should give you a conclusive answer.

- to be continued in part 4 (click here)

The Goodess of - part 2

continued from part-1

Priya: Really? What courses do they have? Did you take that?

Ravi: Of course I took it. They have an entire gamut of courses like, ‘Cod to god your first course’, ‘The first course on being a god for a demigod’, ‘how to handle godly nerves’, ‘Being a god for dummies’, ‘Choosing the right portfolio’, ‘Complete guide to divinity’, ‘Being a god for complete beginners’, ‘Learn how to be a loved worshipped and honored god from scratch’ and many other awesome courses. Their list has grown considerably. The best part is they offer lifetime support, which means you can call their helpdesk whenever you’re in doubt or depressed.They are very professional. They helped a lot of gods overcome their initial jitters.

Priya: How come I never heard of it. Where do those classes take place?

Ravi: Right at Mount Kailash. It’s an awesome place in Tibet, never visited that place?

Priya: I visited when I was a little girl. I live light years away from Mount Kailash. So I don’t think I can take those courses.

Ravi: Aha! You’re very lucky, my dear. I helped them set up online tutorials. They have collaborated with coursera so that we can take certified courses right in our homes. I have a friend in heaven, called Dijkstra, I roped him and helped them set an automated process. He came up with this idea of giving all gods a unique id composed of digits. You can use it to register and do certification courses if you are willing to write the exam at the end or you can just audit them.

Priya: This is an awesome news, you’re an awesome friend, I mean not awesome as in your power, I mean you’re a great friend. But, hey, my internet speeds are so not so good. :(

Ravi: Which ISP are you using?

Priya: Pavan internet, a company of the wind god. They actually provide good download and upload speeds, as much as the speed of the wind, but the connection is blotchy.

Ravi: Did you try Surya’s net by the sun god? They are the fastest yet. Some guys think that it might be the fastest speed we can ever get, based on their calculations. They have a download speed of 3 x 108 MB/s. They literally transmit at the speed of light.

Priya: Wow, that really is some dope speed. But I live in a place where it is night for months at a time. So I don't think I can get that service in my area.

Ravi: Hey there are some plots up for sale near the Vishnu's. Why don’t you come there? That is one heck of a place. They are selling like out like freshly forged weapons. Everyone wants to live near Lord Vishnu and goddess Lakshmi. You know goddess Lakshmi, being the goddess of wealth, everyone wants to be friends with her.

Priya: It’d be great to live there. Like a nice gated community. But isn’t that the costliest place as of now?

Ravi: Yes it is, but who cares, I’m rich. god of awesomeness always paid me a lot. But recently, being the god of cricket has surpassed the amount I get for being the god of awesomeness. Who would have ever thought? for a long time, other gods thought being a god of cricket is an insult I'm inflicting on myself. But I knew that I was doing the right thing when I signed up for that portfolio. Now cricket pays me more. People pray for an outcome of a match, wants my blessing and all kinds of things. When we compare not a lot of people exactly pray for ‘god, please make me awesome!’ when compared to ‘god may my team win’, ‘god may Dhoni end it with a six’ and many more things than we can imagine. Cricketers, their families, their nations, their fans, and even the gamblers worship me, knowingly or unknowingly.

Priya: Okay, I get it that you’re rich. But how would that help me in buying the plot near the Vishnu's?

Ravi: Because I’m a close friend of Vishnu. We are like what the mortals call as best friends forever. I can get a plot for you, no problem. But don’t tell to anyone, it should be our little secret. I don’t want to start another war among gods.

Priya: Trust me I’m the best when it comes to keeping secrets. Hey, what did you mean when you said that you don't want to start ‘another’ war among war among gods? Did you start the first one?

Ravi: No, of course not. It was just an expression. Hmmm.

Priya: Hmmm! Hey, Can I know how you ended up signing up for being the god of cricket when no one ever did? I mean why did you do that?

Ravi: I can tell you, it’s not exactly a secret.

Priya: I know it’s not a secret. I’d have fished it out had it been a secret. Now tell me why you did that.

Ravi: Well long story, when the position was up no one really wanted it, cricket, the sport just took its birth, so no one wanted to take it. I thought to myself, what the heck and I offered to take the position. At that time most other gods and godlings warned me not to since they felt it'd only make me lesser among the gods. Besides, they were all wondering why the god awesomeness needs an additional job?
Suddenly people were seeing me as if I wasn't making my ends meet and hence taking an additional job. It was very frustrating back then.

Priya: You didn’t tell me why you took it.

Ravi: Hmmm. You’re a smart goddess. Well, to be honest, it was because of a small hobby of sorts of mine. It's really nothing and you shouldn’t laugh at it after listening. Okay?

Priya: Okay, I swear. I won’t.

Ravi: How can I know that you didn’t laugh. This is just a chat. Take the sacred oath.

Priya: Okay, I’m taking the sacred oath, that ‘I’ll try not to laugh after hearing your story’.

The Goddess of ......

The following material is an excerpt from the files of a hacked whatsApp account of an individual whom God/Meta-Human wing strongly suspects to be a god. Timestamps have been removed for security reasons.

Ravi: Hey Priya, send me some battery percentage over whatsApp. Well, whatsapp, hike, messenger your wish, but do it asap, my phone is about to die and I’m on a moving train, I'm on a date and she is really hot, I mean cute. Quick, some 30-40% should be good enough.

Priya: Lol, that technology isn’t here yet, future boy. Transferring battery. ROFL.

Ravi: Hey, don’t give me lame excuses. I need some battery juice now. I’m waiting.

Priya: Ok. Done. Sent it.

Ravi: No you didn’t.

Priya: I did send it.

Ravi: But I didn’t get any. You didn’t send.

Priya: You didn’t get it, doesn’t mean I had not sent it.

(And Ravi’s phone got switched off)


(Ravi’s phone got switched on again.)

Ravi: You liar. You really didn’t send me any battery. And I enquired some people, turns out that technology isn’t here yet.

Priya: So how come your phone is up again and you’re chatting.

Ravi: There is a charging point in the coach and thankfully some god/goddess made the guy at the charging point left. So here I’m at the charging point. And Manasa is on a call with her dad. Manasa is my date.

Priya: You’re so stumped. Did the guy at the charging point leave with an expressionless face and with a glassy stare straight ahead?

Ravi: Ye-ee-aa-aah, but how did you know?

Priya: Duffer, who do you think made that imbecile to leave? I did that.

Ravi: Haha, good joke.

Priya: I’m speaking a solemn truth. I did this for you.

Ravi: So, are you like a witch?

Priya: Noooooo, you dumbduck, I’m a goddess. Fudge I shouldn’t say that. Yeah, I’m a witch.

Ravi: Wait, you mean you really are a goddess, right? Tell me the truth, I’m your friend.

Priya: Hmmm! Yeah. But tell this to anyone and you would die instantly.

Ravi: No, I won’t die, in fact, I can't die. Man, this is so cool.

Priya: What the heck, of course, you would die. Are you drunk?

Ravi: No, I’m as sober as I can be. I can’t die because, wait for it, I’m divine too. I’m a god, forsooth. Man, this is so awesome. Are you undercover or do you, like me, prefer to be in your human form most of the times? What goddess are you?

Priya: Sorry Ravi, I can’t answer any further questions. First of all, I’m not sure about you being a god. You seem too jejune to be a god. And even if you’re a god, I still can’t disclose the details you’re asking for. You’re a good friend, but I’m sorry.

Ravi: Oh, I’ll take a leap of faith and tell you my details first. I’m the god of Awesomeness and Cricket. Well, the god of Awesomeness first, Cricket was added to my portfolio later. I’ve finished my probation and have been a tenured god since eons ago. Although I prefer to hang out with mortals most of the world. I never got fully habituated to living as a god. Now your turn.

Priya: Ravi, is your real name *****?

Ravi: Yes, it is, how the heck did you know? I have many names but yeah that is my real name. No one is supposed to know that, not even other gods.

Priya: So I guess you’re a god actually. Well, I know who the god of Awesomeness and Cricket is, just didn't know it was you. You seem to have a rather good following and well-wishers among the gods.

Ravi: Yes, I do, because I’m an awesome god, pun intended. Now tell me, what goddess are you?

Priya: No, Ravi, I’m sorry I can’t tell you. Rules don’t permit that.

Ravi: Come on, Priya. We are gods, rules don’t apply to us. I told you everything about me. Come on.

Priya: I now see why other gods say that you’re a little arrogant. Being a god makes it even more important for us to follow the rules and set an example to mortals.

Ravi: Lemme guess, you’re first a demigod who had very conservative upbringing, growing up in your divine palaces and worship places. I’m a new age god. I like to live on the edge. Although I’m a god I like to live it as if I’m gonna die tomorrow. Otherwise, this immortality becomes too tiresome. I’m like what these mortals call as a rockstar. And here you are, still acting like you’re a tiny little demigod. Grow up Priya. Act like a goddess rather than being coupled up in that protective cocoon.

Priya: I’m not a little demigod. I’m a goddess. Don’t make me mad, you wouldn’t like it. Why do other gods and godlings keep saying such mean things to me, why?

Ravi: You really want to know?

Priya: Yes, I do. Whenever someone says things like that, it irritates me a lot. Why do you guys do it?

Ravi: Priya, calm down. Don’t take it the wrong way. The reason why all of them say such mean things like calling you a tiny-little-demigod is because you still act like one. You act like you’re a friggin intern. And like an unpaid intern that too.

Priya: But the rules.

Ravi: Let the rules go kiss my posterior. But I can help you here, in gaining confidence and to come to terms with the fact that you’re a powerful goddess. Now, You’re at a stage called guberty. It’s a Portmanteau of ‘god’ and ‘Puberty’. Every god goes through this phase. It’s as awkward as Hades, but that's normal, nothing to worry about it. You just need to spend a little time. Lord Ganesh went through this phase and being a son of very conservative elder god and with other gods having a lot of expectations on him even before he took his job it was a real rough phase for him. He wished to make things less ungainly for other gods. So he came up with a startup along with his brother Murugan, that offers orientation courses that help new gods.

Priya: Really? What courses do they have? Did you take that?

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