The Goodess of - part 2

continued from part-1

Priya: Really? What courses do they have? Did you take that?

Ravi: Of course I took it. They have an entire gamut of courses like, ‘Cod to god your first course’, ‘The first course on being a god for a demigod’, ‘how to handle godly nerves’, ‘Being a god for dummies’, ‘Choosing the right portfolio’, ‘Complete guide to divinity’, ‘Being a god for complete beginners’, ‘Learn how to be a loved worshipped and honored god from scratch’ and many other awesome courses. Their list has grown considerably. The best part is they offer lifetime support, which means you can call their helpdesk whenever you’re in doubt or depressed.They are very professional. They helped a lot of gods overcome their initial jitters.

Priya: How come I never heard of it. Where do those classes take place?

Ravi: Right at Mount Kailash. It’s an awesome place in Tibet, never visited that place?

Priya: I visited when I was a little girl. I live light years away from Mount Kailash. So I don’t think I can take those courses.

Ravi: Aha! You’re very lucky, my dear. I helped them set up online tutorials. They have collaborated with coursera so that we can take certified courses right in our homes. I have a friend in heaven, called Dijkstra, I roped him and helped them set an automated process. He came up with this idea of giving all gods a unique id composed of digits. You can use it to register and do certification courses if you are willing to write the exam at the end or you can just audit them.

Priya: This is an awesome news, you’re an awesome friend, I mean not awesome as in your power, I mean you’re a great friend. But, hey, my internet speeds are so not so good. :(

Ravi: Which ISP are you using?

Priya: Pavan internet, a company of the wind god. They actually provide good download and upload speeds, as much as the speed of the wind, but the connection is blotchy.

Ravi: Did you try Surya’s net by the sun god? They are the fastest yet. Some guys think that it might be the fastest speed we can ever get, based on their calculations. They have a download speed of 3 x 10⁸ MB/s. They literally transmit at the speed of light.

Priya: Wow, that really is some dope speed. But I live in a place where it is night for months at a time. So I don't think I can get that service in my area.

Ravi: Hey there are some plots up for sale near the Vishnu's. Why don’t you come there? That is one heck of a place. They are selling like out like freshly forged weapons. Everyone wants to live near Lord Vishnu and goddess Lakshmi. You know goddess Lakshmi, being the goddess of wealth, everyone wants to be friends with her.

Priya: It’d be great to live there. Like a nice gated community. But isn’t that the costliest place as of now?

Ravi: Yes it is, but who cares, I’m rich. god of awesomeness always paid me a lot. But recently, being the god of cricket has surpassed the amount I get for being the god of awesomeness. Who would have ever thought? for a long time, other gods thought being a god of cricket is an insult I'm inflicting on myself. But I knew that I was doing the right thing when I signed up for that portfolio. Now cricket pays me more. People pray for an outcome of a match, wants my blessing and all kinds of things. When we compare not a lot of people exactly pray for ‘god, please make me awesome!’ when compared to ‘god may my team win’, ‘god may Dhoni end it with a six’ and many more things than we can imagine. Cricketers, their families, their nations, their fans, and even the gamblers worship me, knowingly or unknowingly.

Priya: Okay, I get it that you’re rich. But how would that help me in buying the plot near the Vishnu's?

Ravi: Because I’m a close friend of Vishnu. We are like what the mortals call as best friends forever. I can get a plot for you, no problem. But don’t tell to anyone, it should be our little secret. I don’t want to start another war among gods.

Priya: Trust me I’m the best when it comes to keeping secrets. Hey, what did you mean when you said that you don't want to start ‘another’ war among war among gods? Did you start the first one?

Ravi: No, of course not. It was just an expression. Hmmm.

Priya: Hmmm! Hey, Can I know how you ended up signing up for being the god of cricket when no one ever did? I mean why did you do that?

Ravi: I can tell you, it’s not exactly a secret.

Priya: I know it’s not a secret. I’d have fished it out had it been a secret. Now tell me why you did that.

Ravi: Well long story, when the position was up no one really wanted it, cricket, the sport just took its birth, so no one wanted to take it. I thought to myself, what the heck and I offered to take the position. At that time most other gods and godlings warned me not to since they felt it'd only make me lesser among the gods. Besides, they were all wondering why the god awesomeness needs an additional job?

Suddenly people were seeing me as if I wasn't making my ends meet and hence taking an additional job. It was very frustrating back then.

Priya: You didn’t tell me why you took it.

Ravi: Hmmm. You’re a smart goddess. Well, to be honest, it was because of a small hobby of sorts of mine. It's really nothing and you shouldn’t laugh at it after listening. Okay?

Priya: Okay, I swear. I won’t.

Ravi: How can I know that you didn’t laugh. This is just a chat. Take the sacred oath.

Priya: Okay, I’m taking the sacred oath, that ‘I’ll try not to laugh after hearing your story’.

Ravi: Fair enough.

- to be continued in part 3 (click here)

The Goddess of ......

The following material is an excerpt from the files of a hacked whatsApp account of an individual whom God/Meta-Human wing strongly suspects to be a god. Timestamps have been removed for security reasons.

Ravi: Hey Priya, send me some battery percentage over whatsApp. Well, whatsapp, hike, messenger your wish, but do it asap, my phone is about to die and I’m on a moving train, I'm on a date and she is really hot, I mean cute. Quick, some 30-40% should be good enough.

Priya: Lol, that technology isn’t here yet, future boy. Transferring battery. ROFL.

Ravi: Hey, don’t give me lame excuses. I need some battery juice now. I’m waiting.

Priya: Ok. Done. Sent it.

Ravi: No you didn’t.

Priya: I did send it.

Ravi: But I didn’t get any. You didn’t send.

Priya: You didn’t get it, doesn’t mean I had not sent it.

(And Ravi’s phone got switched off)

-----

(Ravi’s phone got switched on again.)

Ravi: You liar. You really didn’t send me any battery. And I enquired some people, turns out that technology isn’t here yet.

Priya: So how come your phone is up again and you’re chatting.

Ravi: There is a charging point in the coach and thankfully some god/goddess made the guy at the charging point left. So here I’m at the charging point. And Manasa is on a call with her dad. Manasa is my date.

Priya: You’re so stumped. Did the guy at the charging point leave with an expressionless face and with a glassy stare straight ahead?

Ravi: Ye-ee-aa-aah, but how did you know?

Priya: Duffer, who do you think made that imbecile to leave? I did that.

Ravi: Haha, good joke.

Priya: I’m speaking a solemn truth. I did this for you.

Ravi: So, are you like a witch?

Priya: Noooooo, you dumbduck, I’m a goddess. Fudge I shouldn’t say that. Yeah, I’m a witch.

Ravi: Wait, you mean you really are a goddess, right? Tell me the truth, I’m your friend.

Priya: Hmmm! Yeah. But tell this to anyone and you would die instantly.

Ravi: No, I won’t die, in fact, I can't die. Man, this is so cool.

Priya: What the heck, of course, you would die. Are you drunk?

Ravi: No, I’m as sober as I can be. I can’t die because, wait for it, I’m divine too. I’m a god, forsooth. Man, this is so awesome. Are you undercover or do you, like me, prefer to be in your human form most of the times? What goddess are you?

Priya: Sorry Ravi, I can’t answer any further questions. First of all, I’m not sure about you being a god. You seem too jejune to be a god. And even if you’re a god, I still can’t disclose the details you’re asking for. You’re a good friend, but I’m sorry.

Ravi: Oh, I’ll take a leap of faith and tell you my details first. I’m the god of Awesomeness and Cricket. Well, the god of Awesomeness first, Cricket was added to my portfolio later. I’ve finished my probation and have been a tenured god since eons ago. Although I prefer to hang out with mortals most of the world. I never got fully habituated to living as a god. Now your turn.

Priya: Ravi, is your real name *****?

Ravi: Yes, it is, how the heck did you know? I have many names but yeah that is my real name. No one is supposed to know that, not even other gods.

Priya: So I guess you’re a god actually. Well, I know who the god of Awesomeness and Cricket is, just didn't know it was you. You seem to have a rather good following and well-wishers among the gods.

Ravi: Yes, I do, because I’m an awesome god, pun intended. Now tell me, what goddess are you?

Priya: No, Ravi, I’m sorry I can’t tell you. Rules don’t permit that.

Ravi: Come on, Priya. We are gods, rules don’t apply to us. I told you everything about me. Come on.

Priya: I now see why other gods say that you’re a little arrogant. Being a god makes it even more important for us to follow the rules and set an example to mortals.

Ravi: Lemme guess, you’re first a demigod who had very conservative upbringing, growing up in your divine palaces and worship places. I’m a new age god. I like to live on the edge. Although I’m a god I like to live it as if I’m gonna die tomorrow. Otherwise, this immortality becomes too tiresome. I’m like what these mortals call as a rockstar. And here you are, still acting like you’re a tiny little demigod. Grow up Priya. Act like a goddess rather than being coupled up in that protective cocoon.

Priya: I’m not a little demigod. I’m a goddess. Don’t make me mad, you wouldn’t like it. Why do other gods and godlings keep saying such mean things to me, why?

Ravi: You really want to know?

Priya: Yes, I do. Whenever someone says things like that, it irritates me a lot. Why do you guys do it?

Ravi: Priya, calm down. Don’t take it the wrong way. The reason why all of them say such mean things like calling you a tiny-little-demigod is because you still act like one. You act like you’re a friggin intern. And like an unpaid intern that too.

Priya: But the rules.

Ravi: Let the rules go kiss my posterior. But I can help you here, in gaining confidence and to come to terms with the fact that you’re a powerful goddess. Now, You’re at a stage called guberty. It’s a Portmanteau of ‘god’ and ‘Puberty’. Every god goes through this phase. It’s as awkward as Hades, but that's normal, nothing to worry about it. You just need to spend a little time. Lord Ganesh went through this phase and being a son of very conservative elder god and with other gods having a lot of expectations on him even before he took his job it was a real rough phase for him. He wished to make things less ungainly for other gods. So he came up with a startup along with his brother Murugan, that offers orientation courses that help new gods.

Priya: Really? What courses do they have? Did you take that?

- to be continued in part 2 (click here)